| Well, it's fall. I realize the date change happened a while ago, but it hadn't really struck me as being fall until today. The sun was shining and the air was cool, and I could just smell it, all around me. Autumn. At first, I smiled. I love fall, the crisp air, the changing leaves, the pumpkin picking and cider drinking. It's my favorite season. Then, my smile fell a little. Tomorrow is the last day of September. I am looking forward to October with excitement! Seeing The Importance of Being Ernest, baking pumpkin pie with Katherine, going pumkin picking with my mom and carving them up for the porch, an excursion to the Rennaissance Festival, and a trip to New York for some rugby and time with my man, and, of course, Halloween! After all of the fun, however, after October has come and gone, I will feel that pit of dread in my stomach. November will be bittersweet. Adam will be home, finished his trimester, able to spend some time relaxing with his family and with me. Then, too abruptly, even though we know it's coming, he'll have to leave. I know it has to happen, and I know I will get through it. But six months is a long time. I know that I will miss him, painfully and sadly. I will feel lonely, and I will cry. I will be disappointed when he's not around for Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, my birthday, and Easter. I will get angry and frustrated, and I will wait anxiously for e-mails, letters, and phone calls, any piece of him that I can get to let me know that he's all right, and we're all right. Through it all, though, I also know that I'll be working, and spending time with friends, and keeping busy with my family, and school will occupy my mind, and the pain, sadness, lonliness, disappointment, anger, frustration and waiting will only be temporary, in spurts. I'll know that when it's all over, he'll come home to me, and I'll kiss him again and hold him in my arms, and everything will be all right. I know all of this, and it tears me in two. The emotions are confusing, as well as reassuring. The negative may take over, but the positive always win out. So, here I am, entering another fall, dreading another separation, but loving the season and all that it holds at the same time. It's a good feeling to know that I am strong enough to handle it, and reassuring to know that I don't always have to be that strong. |
